WORST HOLIDAY EVER

[Sharon B.]

Marisol, I understand the trauma. Trauma upon trauma.

I had an ectopic pg 2008 that ruptured - in my case like a gunshot wound - there was only a matter of hours to save me. It shook me, and my DH, to the core.

Ironically, I was in treatment for the ectopic pg, but still it went from worse to worse. And when I lay dying the drs were confused because my hCG numbers indicated the treatment worked. It wasn't until the 2nd time my pulse and blood pressure were lost that they figured I was on my last legs. My veins collapsed and the words my DH heard whispered by me were, "I feel great, I just want to sleep."

The emergency surgeon and staff, along with units of blood, saved my life - but not my tube. There wasn't time.

I was bruised on my hands and arms from the multiple attempts for IV, which ended up in my jugular of course. My incision was 5 cm across in the bikini area and they cut through muscle. My adomen had been filled with my blood from pelvis to sternum. It irks me that this was far worse than C-sections these days. I got the "smile" down there, but nothing in my arms. Then again, I am alive ... and so are you.

My physical recovery was fast because I am like that - I was driving within two weeks. My emotional recovery was slow because I am like that - I was depressed for a couple months and struggled many others. FYI - I felt minor pain a lot the first six months or so; it has subsided.

I have infertility issues in addition to the tubal issue, but even so I had another pg 15 months later, and expect more. If you have one tube working, I'd bet big money you'll be pg again too if you desire. God knows we have survived risk, and that we face it again. Time will tell how it goes. We hope for the best and deal with what occurs the best we can.

After I was better, I had a HSG and found out my remaining tube was clear (despite my new-formed fear), but confusing because my missing tube appeared to be partially there which the RE couldn't explain (but said it wasn't a health risk). Last month I had a hysterscopy. I expected my uterus to be crazy scarred (my ectopic pg was at the cornua which they clamped). I was happily amazed: Not a single scar, at all, even up to the tubes. Completely soft and clear.

Have you had an HSG before? When you are ready, would you have one?

I am so sorry. This is truly a trauma you experienced. It will take time to recover. You are on your way. Hang in there. Although it's a small comfort, I wouldn't be TTC again if I were dead. You wouldn't be fighting for custody for your daughter if you weren't alive. I don't think we live to suffer - even though I feel I have suffered a lot. I truly, truly look forward to that time I have peace. I wish it were now, but for whatever reason it's outside my reach, but I am stubborn and I will get there. I hope you do too.

Hugs,
~S

[Marisol8886]

sharon,
what is a HSG?? Im sorry this is the first time this happens to me so i dont understand the terminology.. can u tell me what it is and explain what its for?? thanks..

Its been a couple of days since surgery and surprisingly i feel im healing fast from the physical pain.. maybe cuz im trying so extremely fast cuz i wanna be back at school asap.. i take my meds when im supposed to and i try to walk around the house when i can to train myself to cope with the pain of my incision so i can walk to my classes. eating was a tough one because i had horrible nausea up til sunday night, which didnt present a real problem while i was at the hospital because i was hooked up to an IV but once i was home and vomiting i became extremely weak and felt horribly drained. as soon as i smelled food the acidy taste rushed to my mouth and i would grab the bucket my loving mother-in-law conveninently placed next to my bed and start to hurl, no food of course since i hadnt eaten in days, just foamy stomach acid it appeared like. the horrible part about throwing up isnt the throwing up part, but the way your stomach heaves uncontrollably in the process of trying to throw up.. it caused extreme pain to my incision.. so its a good thing that only lasted until sunday night. i havent thrown up since then and ive been eating a bit , so i wanna try to go back to school tomorrow despite my doctors telling me to wait 2 weeks. i think this ectoptic pregnancy has taken enough from me and im not gonna let it put me behind in my school as well.

[SnappyDragon]

This is a definition of an HSG. Many of us on this board have had this procedure while in the TTC process. It's normally a simple, painless procedure if done correctly, but can be a disaster if not. My first was a nightmare, the second was easy as cake.

http://medical-dictionary.thefreedictio ... ingography

I hope your recovery is fast. Thinking of you.

[Sharon B.]

Marisol, are the meds contributing to your nausea? My statment to my DH (dear husband) about feeling better as I lay dying was because my nausea had receded - that was a blessing! After the operation, I got off the narcotics within 24 hrs (managed to get half a piece of toast to stay down to be released from the hospital) and instead used anti-inflammatories. Seemed to work for me. My entire family has adverse side effects with narcotics, but my DH does quite nicely with them - stomach of steel and mind of mush I guess.

Did Snap's link and post give you the info you want about HSG? I was fortunate that my insurance covered the first one as medical; my others were covered as infertility. The dye has always run readily and easily through my right tube, so even if it is scarred there's certainly sufficient space for the "mircacle". One HSG was relatively painless. My painful HSGs were when the RE applied pressure to open my left tube (ouch, but worth it) and when a ultrasound tech was assigned to do mine (not as ouch, but also not worth it). Just something for you to consider in the future that might clarify your concerns.

I agree that you want to recover and move forward. However, I caution you not rush. Mind you, I say this because *I* have "rushed" (1st mc took half day off, major abdominal surgery took a mere two wks off, etc.) and later I always wonder why I didn't take more time. It would have worked out some how. Instead I found myself struggling at work. Ah well. (Remind me of this for my next pg - successful or not, I want to be really nice and gentle with myself.)

I know you will find the balance for you!

Keep us updated. Are you having follow up hCG checks? By the book a person would have them every week or so until their hCG is 0. I take it that wasn't done the first time. Or was it?

Hugs, hugs, and more hugs,
~S

[Marisol8886]

no. no hcg checks the first time. i think theres alot of things they shuldve done the first time that they didnt.. at least it feels like it the more n more i learn about all this..

Well i went to school today. it seemed like the right thing to do when i got up this morning. I went in loose sweats n a longsleeve n a hooded sweater. I didnt think it wuld take a huge toll on my body. After all, these r lecture classes n all i do is sit n possibly jot down some notes. Sounded like a piece of cake. I think it sounded easy enough but im starting to see why the doctor didnt want me to return for 2 weeks. All my teachers looked at me like i was crazy when i showed them the paperwork they gave me from the hospital. They all asked "so what are you doing here??" and i replied that i didnt wanna lose my seat. One of them even told me that she didnt know if i was brave or stupid. I didnt know if that was an insult or a compliment, but i thought about it for a while.. once i was in my last class i started truly regretting going to school at all.. i was in pain and my stomach felt extremely bloated n swollen.. i couldnt understand why or how it got so swollen, all i did was sit, and the walking between classes i did SUPER slowly. In the end im glad i went because i got to keep my seat. Im kinda worried about tomorrow tho. I have chemistry from 8-920 and lab from 930-1130. I want to go because i know that if i dont i lose the class for the semester. And then i dont want to go because i feel like todays trip to school was a risk in itself. In the end i know im gonna go because im hard-headed and i dont wanna mess up my semester.. i just hope i can get thru tomorrow.. all i need is to get thru tomorrow.. n then i can lay in my bed all wekend long and recover..
WISH ME LUCK